66 KiB
Life
my life updates and about myself
2025
Jan
I am losing myself, its jan 10 motherfucking nothing is going right. Already feeling crashed...... Shit just keep piling up. Life never seems to be going my way. I keep on being a lazy piece of shit. I think I am so smart but am I, maybe I am such a fool that I have convinced myself that I am too smart. Or I am blinded my own smartness. I somehow believe that even if I dont do the hard work. I will still not endup like shit. Yet I still fear what my freind/relative will think about myself. Koji doesnt seem to be returning even if he comes he goes back because of my foolish body intutive patterns of gluttony, pride and laziness. Koji can fix everything. A Big event is coming and I have to give my everything to it otherwise THIS YEAR WILL GO IN VAIL. My theory is that koji will comeback when I will deeply feel my problem and will acknowledge that they are hurting me. So lets go through all the problems, I hate doing it AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh
- Caring About Other people
- Ok this is easiest but terrfies me the most. Listen ME, why do u care. Who cares about You? u little narcissist u think u are so important that everyone is thinking about u all the time. U are so fraggile that u track how fast people are liking ur instagram, u disable likes and comments to look like fool.
- U keep on pussying out on approaching women u go to approach but then u come up with 100 reason not to. Oh she must be busy, she doesnt like me, but u know deep down that u dont want to get rejected isnt that right. Ur frail ego, u think if u get rejected everyone will listen to it, u think every one is just watching u. behen ke lode approaching a women is not a crime stop being a pussboi bitch ass dude. When explaining to other u are so macho, what about urself
- Another thing u thing u have exhausted the venue, mf even if u hypothethically did nobody gives a shit. Listen ME, venue hasnt burnt out, nobody important is seeing u, even if they it shouldnt matter. Just do the fucking approach. If I dont approach 200 women, quit the game before the big event. U dont have it in u. which means 200/3 = 70+ approaches per day if u dont just quit the game u stupid piece of shit. And lets make it more fucking difficult all solo. Its a turing test that whether u have what it takes to fuck chicks while preparing for the event or not. So SHUT up or SUCK up
- I am totally preped for this challenge, I am the real deal man. There is only one of myself and I will respect myself.
- approach anxiety is just a pebble in shoe, assume attraction and just do the approach
- Trying to use reason to make wrong decision
- The title is the king. I mean it really says it all. Oh I will feel relaxed If I just watch this video, masterbate, eat delicious food. Ya that relaxation point will never come. More on this in sedation...
- But what is happening on the deeper level is that I am making myself believe that doing reLaxAtion is better. I am using wrong reasons. Its not rational. What I am doing is to delay the work as much as possible.
- Just having a right task managment system totally synced with mobile will make we work. Again it is sedation.
- Oh I can read novels and philosphy books on side and it will not hamper me. Again false. That is the the way to avoid the work
- Realise this not only I am using reason incorrectly, it can be interpreted as if my goal is not to do the thing. If someone a 3rd person observer will se my activities he will conclude the same.
- Listen ME, Ur goal is that event as just give everything to this just give it all.
Please return Koji.
2024
Dec
I see something more in me...... better
Past weeks I atleast saw that I am capable of doing shit that I desire. I just need to go all in, I have to remeber that all the strength is inside me. Whenever feeling lost, anxious, tired remind. I have to remind myself that Everything is inside me, all the tools to tackle this situation, doesnt mean I will become fun...... It means it will become more tolerateable.
Listen Me shit is hard but remember, u have high expectation from urself. Be the man u truly are. Work endlessly because that is the only thing now that can save u, pure hard work. All the best sir
Somehow got more fucked!!
Busy with life shit, Finally some work has been done. But barely gaming, my target of 5 lays is not possible this year I conclude but what I can say is that...... nothing. There is no lesson I m just lazy. It sucks, 19 days left in this year.
Oct
So basically everything is Fucked in my life!
I am unemployed, haven't had sex in 1.5 yrs. I am trying to get laid using daygame, my verbals are good infact everything is good. The thing is I am just wasting my time and life. I just go out with wings niether they approach nor I. I think what happened is that I just enjoy roaming around with a freind, I have gotten so comfortable to that idea, its almost gay if u think about it. I barely hangout with my real freinds one on one, we generally go out in group. But I have hangout one on one with so many wings.
Its so fucked, I don't have money niether a pulling place. So no oyo, logistic itself can be very benefitary, for example if u have a pull place in south delhi everything is near urself hot girls, cafe, hangout spots. I live in a suburb of delhi. My house is only free till 1 pm from morning, so here is my plan
Get girls number using daygame (which I can only go 2 times a month) then inviting them straight to house then having a time constrained exit, its all sounds immpossible, but I believe myself that I m the MAN and will do whats necessary
91 days left this year, I want atleast 5 lays. I am done postponding myself, I want to get this problem sorted this year I believe myself that this is achievable