Update life.md

life.md

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 # Life
 my life updates and **about myself** 
+# 2025
+## Jan 
+I am losing myself, its jan 10 motherfucking nothing is going right. Already feeling crashed...... Shit just keep piling up. Life never seems to be going my way. I keep on being a lazy piece of shit. I think I am so smart but am I, maybe I am such a fool that I have convinced myself that I am too smart. Or I am blinded my own smartness. I somehow believe that even if I dont do the hard work. I will still not endup like shit. Yet I still fear what my freind/relative will think about myself. Koji doesnt seem to be returning even if he comes he goes back because of my foolish body intutive patterns of gluttony, pride and laziness. Koji can fix everything. A Big event is coming and I have to give my everything to it otherwise THIS YEAR WILL GO IN VAIL. My theory is that koji will comeback when I will deeply feel my problem and will acknowledge that they are hurting me. So lets go through all the problems, I hate doing it AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
+  
+
+1. Caring About Other people
+    - Ok this is easiest but terrfies me the most. Listen ME, why do u care. Who cares about You? u little narcissist u think u are so important that everyone is thinking about u all the time. U are so fraggile that u track how fast people are liking ur instagram, u disable likes and comments to look like fool. 
+    - U keep on pussying out on approaching women u go to approach but then u come up with 100 reason not to. Oh she must be busy, she doesnt like me, but u know deep down that u dont want to get rejected isnt that right. Ur frail ego, u think if u get rejected everyone will listen to it, u think every one is just watching u. behen ke lode approaching a women is not a crime stop being a pussboi bitch ass dude. When explaining to other u are so macho, what about urself
+    - Another thing u thing u have exhausted the venue, mf even if u hypothethically did nobody gives a shit. Listen ME, venue hasnt burnt out, nobody important is seeing u, even if they it shouldnt matter. Just do the fucking approach. If I dont approach 200 women, quit the game before the big event. U dont have it in u. which means 200/3 = 70+ approaches per day if u dont just quit the game u stupid piece of shit. And lets make it more fucking difficult all solo. Its a turing test that whether u have what it takes to fuck chicks while preparing for the event or not. So SHUT up or SUCK up 
+    - I am totally preped for this challenge, I am the real deal man. There is only one of myself and I will respect myself. 
+    - **approach anxiety is just a pebble in shoe, assume attraction and just do the approach**
+2. Trying to use reason to make wrong decision
+    - The title is the king. I mean it really says it all. Oh I will feel relaxed If I just watch this video, masterbate, eat delicious food. Ya that relaxation point will never come. More on this in sedation...
+    - But what is happening on the deeper level is that I am making myself believe that doing reLaxAtion is better. I am using wrong reasons. Its not rational. What I am doing is to delay the work as much as possible. 
+    - Just having a right task managment system totally synced with mobile will make we work. Again it is sedation.
+    - Oh I can read novels and philosphy books on side and it will not hamper me. Again false. That is the the way to avoid the work
+    - Realise this not only I am using reason incorrectly, it can be interpreted as if my goal is not to do the thing. If someone a 3rd person observer will se my activities he will conclude the same. 
+    - Listen ME, Ur goal is that event as just give everything to this just give it all.  
+
+Please return Koji.
 
 # 2024 
 ## Dec